Semua Berawal dari Interaksi Emosional

Interaksi emosional ibu dan anak pada tahun-tahun pertama kehidupan anak, ternyata menjadi dasar bagi terbentuknya kepribadian anak. Ini diungkapkan oleh Stanley I. Greenspan, M.D., seorang profesor dan praktisi di bidang psikiatri anak. Ia yang telah berkecimpung selama puluhan tahun menggeluti anak-anak dengan berbagai permasalahan, dalam beberapa bukunya mengungkapkan pentingnya relasi yang timbul dari interaksi emosional ini. Dia mengatakan bahwa seorang anak tumbuh menjadi pintar, kreatif, mampu berpikir logis, mampu memecahkan masalah, namun juga penuh kasih sayang dan empati, serta bermoral baik, kuncinya terletak pada pengalaman emosional yang dialami anak tersebut semasa kecilnya, yaitu sebuah perjalanan masa kecil yang 'kaya' bersama orangtuanya. Hal yang paling esensial untuk menumbuhkan inteligensi, moral, empati, intimasi dengan orang lain, kepercayaan diri, bukanlah mainan edukasi, kelas pra-sekolah yang bagus, les-les ataupun kegiatan ekstrakurikuler yang memadati jadwal, melainkan adalah DIRI KITA, yaitu waktu yang kita berikan untuk mereka, tiap jam, tiap hari, tiap minggu, tiap tahun, untuk mengadakan interaksi intim dengan mereka yang kaya emosi. Anak-anak kita membutuhkan pikiran kita, kehadiran kita, dan juga jiwa kita. 

Berikut adalah cuplikan dari isi buku "The Four-Thirds Solution" karangan Stanley I. Greenspan dan Jacqueline Salmon.

Over the years, in my research and practice, I have learned much about how children grow emotionally and intellectually and the ways in which they develop the traits that are critically important in adulthood. We’ve discovered that children move through stages, or milestones, in their first three years. We can even pinpoint in some details certain emotional interactions that must occur between children and those who care for them at each stage of their development if they are to master these milestones.

In other words, we are beginning to sketch out the road map to the development of an intelligent, creative, logical, can-do person who can think in abstraction and solve tough problems and yet also be nurturing and empathetic. We now know that such individuals have experienced specific types of emotional interactions. We’ve been able to divide these critical experiences into six stages. In addition, the elusive moral compass we all so desperately want for our children appears to develop from these same emotional interactions. Our children’s sense of self, as well as their self-esteem, also blossom as a result of traveling this rich journey with their parents.

Some of these interactions take place in the seemingly silly make-believe games we play with babies in which we pretend to be their horse of favorite bunny. During an infinite number of subtle, day-to-day encounters, we tune into our infants’. Toddlers’, and preschoolers’ emotional reactions to the world with our own emotional chemistry.

This journey is not all fun and games. Some of the important interactions take place during the difficult times of parenting: When we’re in the trenches, struggling to deal with a small child’s stubbornness, anger, of willfulness or cuddling and rocking them because they’re irritable or upset, we are giving them priceless lesson.

The most important point to remember is this : The essential ingredient needed to grow intelligence, morality, intimacy, empathy, sense of self, and self-esteem in our children is not educational toys, nursery school classes, trips, tutoring, or the extracurricular activities that fill our schedules and those of our children to the brim. The key ingredient is regular, substantial doses of us. The hours we devote each day, each week, each month, each year to every imaginable type of intimate interaction with babies and small children – through pretend play, empathetically reading their emotional signals and moods, debating with them, satisfying their curiosity about the world, guiding them within the structure of firm values and limits-all of these go toward this ultimate goal of raising a warm, intelligent, moral human being. Our children require our minds, our presence, and souls. In practical terms, this means they require more of us than our busy society encourages.

(Greenspan, S.I., Salmon, J., 2002. The Four-Thirds Solution. Da Capo Press. hal.6-8)